The Holy Spirit has prompted me to share a synopsis of my personal story so that hurting souls may know there is true healing and restoration at the Cross, where lives are changed from glory to glory! I am well aware that Satan is the dark force behind every bad decision I made in life (mine and others) and his agenda is to destroy the person with heartaches, or illnesses, as well as those experiencing the storms of life. His agenda is the same for those of whom he is master; maybe those you see as the perpetrator(s) of your pain (many times family). The Word tells us that we will have troubles in this world for we do not belong to this world.
These things I have spoken unto you that in me, ye shall have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
I was the youngest in a small family. Even though dysfunction was the order of the day when I was growing up, I never understood how bad it really was until, at the age of 21, I found I couldn’t function anymore. I wasn’t blubbering or anything, but I couldn’t do more than the basic requirements of daily living. Severe depression and panic attacks became my whole “life,” but I’m jumping a head of the story …
I ran away from home at the age of 12, right after I received confirmation about my biological mother’s existence, and was in the labor room delivering my first baby just two months before my 14th birthday. When my baby was five weeks old, I rededicated my life to Christ. I had first accepted the Lord at the age of 9 at a church camp, but wasn’t living in an environment where I could be mentored. After finding out that I was pregnant and that it was too late to abort the child, my biological mother’s actions vividly suggested that I was not wanted by her or her stay in boyfriend at that time and so she sent me to stay with a friend and I ended up in the streets but by God’s abundant grace my genuine mother even though she never gave birth to me sent for me and took me in after all the hurt she endured at my cost, my biological mother couldn’t be happier as she had decided she didn’t want to be a mother to a spoilt thirteen year old and she abandoned us (myself and unborn baby) so that she could enjoy the wild side of life (another pawn in the hands of Satan). I found myself among the “youngest teenage mothers”, struggling to make it just as a multitude of other teenage mothers have in South Africa. With determination and support from the mother I never wanted, I forged along, many times staying up for long hours during the night, feeding my baby and at other times catching up on sleep. I know the embarrassment and shame that my loving mother went through when everyone including her family were mocking her and tormenting about her pride and joy having a baby and having to drop out of school, she was being treated like dirt even at her local church, and I could see all of them snub their noses at me when I went out of the house. I understand the pain of losing yourself because of being rejected by the one person you want to be a part of your life the most and moving from place to place because you just don’t feel as if you belong… I know what it’s like to have everything that money can buy but lack the most important item you long for and that is motherly love from the woman who brought you in this world, it was actually nicer believing that she was my cousin sister than knowing that she was my biological mother who could not be bothered with taking care of me or let alone living with me in the one bedroom flat she shared with her live in boyfriend.
But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Because of my painful conditions, most times I felt too bad to care what others thought because they didn’t know the hurt I was feeling inside and assumed that living in the suburbs in a nice house with a swimming pool would make all the pain go away and I would mysteriously forget that I was rejected by my own flesh and blood. The Lord provided every need I had through the family he blessed me with but I couldn’t get close enough to know God or appreciate his wonderful gift of loving and warm family because I was to focused on what I couldn’t have and I did not love myself enough to love God and my family. My life was filled with hate and resentment and my mom who tried her best to shower me with love and gifts took most of the punishment that led to her also getting sick and being depressed. Did it need to be that way? NO. That’s all I gave Him to work with.
My life would have been so different if I had just understood my value in God’s eyes.
When I was 17, I was sent to Confidence college and I was given everything a student needed to get good results but I decided to get a part time job as a waitress in order to support my drinking habit. I expected my life to be good at this juncture, not falling apart. When I fell into depression I lost my appetite and lost 40 pounds quickly (I needed to lose it, but not this way!). Insomnia was ruling my life and ruining my school performance. I started “closet” drinking during the midnight hours so that I could sleep a little, and soon started battling suicidal thoughts and panic attacks, as well as flashbacks that I didn’t understand. I spent many long days isolating from everyone and know what it’s like to suffer from painful loneliness. I felt like God wouldn’t waste time on a loser like me, not knowing that this belief was part of the depression. I thought, If I could just fix myself, maybe He would help me! I found quickly that I needed professional help, which was not a favorable decision in my circle. This threw my relationships with family and church into turmoil. The prevailing thought of the times was that, as a Christian or the daughter of a powerful woman of faith, I was not supposed to be having these problems. But I was!
I wanted to have “loser” tattooed on my arm (literally), but thank God I heard God saying, “NO!” I figured I was already on His bad side. Better leave well enough alone.
I didn’t know what was happening to me and feared I was losing my mind. The first psychiatrist I saw admitted me into the hospital immediately and that’s when I found out I was due to give birth in a couple of days, I was so crazy that I never paid any attention to my body or myself to take notice of the weight gain and cravings and my growing belly.
For the next three years, there were several more hospitalizations, all three of which were a result of treatment in the ER for overdoses.
This was a real “shock” for my family and so called friends. I had been a leader in my workplace (performance oriented) and was really clueless about what I was going through. For whatever reason the experiences of abuse from my past, as well as rejection, which had been hiding in a secret place, took on a life of their own and decided to emerge into my consciousness at any cost. Trying to stop it was like trying to hold a beach ball under water! Impossible! It was exhausting. I did have some vague memories of being molested, but I put the memories on a shelf hoping they would disappear and never mentioned them to anyone.
My childhood nightmares returned, bringing along panic attacks, flashbacks, and body memories (or sensory flashbacks). My life became one long nightmare. The flashbacks brought along dissociation (spacing out, if you will). I could not function in college at all and all I wanted was to disappear! The mental pain was excruciating. I had no choice but to go on bi-polar disorder treatment, a terrible blow to my already damaged ego. In order for me to gain confidence I started snorting cocaine and that was when I actually felt invincible and I loved the feeling I got when I was high from cocaine. It was like I was literally on cloud nine. I became wild and happy so to speak without a care in the world. The best part was not having to beg or work hard for a fix, the devils agents were all around me more than ready and willing to give me my next few grams even for free. I started befriending more and more users, users that were filthy rich and could afford grams for days and even weeks. We would travel and party all day every day and I completely lost myself in all that so called recreational behavior as it was no longer recreational but a shameful behavior.
The first few years of this coke obsession was often life-threatening. Reasoning told me I wouldn’t survive. The Holy Spirit told me that I would. Actually, the Lord had told me six years before I dove into this obsession that I was going to experience a time of “great darkness,” a word from God that I held onto through many long nights. I knew if God forewarned me, He would see me through. (The Lord forewarned the people he loved when he walked the earth, even warning Peter of his future “denial of Christ.”). God is merciful!
The local psych hospital wasn’t much more than a “safe house,” although, being a person who loves to observe human nature, I learned “tons” by observing the interaction in group therapy. All the while, my relationships with my family deteriorated and, as well, my quality of life. When I was clean and looking good I would immediately see myself going back to the same friends that led me astray and back into the darkness.
You are my righteousness and the strength of my life. You are my light, my salvation. Therefore, I have nothing to fear.
God heard my desperate cries and led me to a Christian man by the name of Mastermind then and I was still far from home, but with him as I prefer to address him as Kingzkid, I felt the same power that raised Christ from death was raising me to life and that is when real treatment took place. It was then that I received my first real breakthrough and I saw a glimmer of hope.
I’m not saying the work done with my therapists and psychiatrists before wasn’t a “life line.” It was. I received great insights working with them. Being alone was intolerable for me at this point and the anguish (mental pain and fear) was severe. My long-term therapist always made himself available for me in those tough times. The difference was that my home therapist didn’t believe that God would heal psych problems supernaturally, whereas, Kingzkid made God a part of the treatment team with Christ as the head and he listened to the Holy Spirit as he utilized his spiritual gifts and skills. The result of this God-ordained Christian therapy was that my past became clearer to me and I learned that I must allow God to show me how to distinguish between the truth and the lies that Satan would have me believe.
Miraculous things happened and I will be sharing some of these in my daily blogs on this website throughout the rest of my time as God’s servant on earth. As I fasted and sought God, He started healing me as though He was peeling off the layers of an onion very deliberately. In my opinion, no therapy has lasting value without the Lord leading the session. In my journey to wholeness, the first sign of healing was that the nightmares stopped. Then the flashbacks stopped. Then I was delivered from suicidal urges. The Lord continued to work mightily and my faith continued to increase! I found a wonderful Spirit-filled church and soaked up all of God that I could absorb. I had depended on Christian TV to feed me for a couple of years while I was “isolating” and suffering from fibromyalgia and trigeminal nerve pain in my face. This is when I fell in love with Perry Stone, Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn, James Robison, and a few others. I had church in my living room! Just me and the Holy Ghost.
God loves us right where we are if we will just look to Him.
One morning in worship service at my new church, Father God moved on the pastor to lay hands on me for healing. Pastor didn’t really know what my problems were, but he obeyed. I felt the power of God flow through me! I had walked in too weak to stand up for very long and in pain, but I danced back out to the car that day. I know that God healed and blessed me and he overcame my troubles with so that you too can find healing through this website and initiative. Even if it is for a loved one, feel free to download the Good News and encourage one another through it or email us directly for a prayer intervention session wherever you are.
With God by our side, we are able and if you allow God to be in control, you too will be able to overcome all your troubles through Christ our Lord.
God sent certain people into my life at strategic points to speak life to me on the journey and He’ll do the same for you. No matter how bad off you are, no matter how alone you are in your “hell on earth” experience, no matter how deep the pit, God is deeper still! I learned that you don’t have to receive disease as a part of who you are and you sure don’t have to accept anguish (pain and fear) into your life!
He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from all their destruction. — Psalms 107:20
Your maker has a purpose and a plan for you just as it says in the Word.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11
God will hear your cry even when you are too sick in your body or your mind to pray. Whether your healing comes instantly or is a process of time, you’re a winner either way! I can only speak to what I’ve experienced and I know that God prepared my heart to receive healing through prayer and reading the Word of God. When I was still so sick and struggling with it all, I just read one scripture here and there, then a chapter and eventually an entire book in the bible. Then as my health improved, I increased my quiet time with God and it helped even more that I had a partner who prayed with me almost as much as he prayed for me.
In Matthew 17:15-21, Jesus tells the disciples that some healings only take place through prayer and faith. So have faith in the Good News we preach about Christ and have faith in yourself.
First things first. Have you repented of your sins and accepted the Lord Jesus as your Savior? If so, you have access to the promises given to the blood-washed saints.
(If you have not, go back to my Home Page and register and login and communicate with us to help you get your salvation, this is the hour to be saved.)
Then, if you feel led by God to engage in overcoming your troubles, download the Good News by clicking on the product page, even if it is one shortstory that you download you will be encouraged and brought closer to God’s kingdom.
It is important to know how to do it correctly. Don’t give up hope! Always remember that you can’t go by how you “feel” psychologically or physically. You must stand on what God has said in the Word!
I heard Kingzkid on the radio say, if you can’t quote the scripture, say, “Lord, be it according to thy word.” I have a problem memorizing scripture, so I carry index cards notated with the scriptures I’m standing on for that season in my life. Nothing is more powerful than speaking out the Word of God!
I have great peace and joy in my life, and walk daily with my Lord in a way I never knew was possible! Only because my mother prayed that He wouldn’t give up on me and God used Kingzkid, an ordinary man of God to lead me to him, and I pray you’ll do the same. He is always willing and ready to help you and pray with you through those difficult times.
IT WORKS KINGZKIDZ!
Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. – Psalms 37:4-5